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An Editorial – Chewey’s Got Questions!

If I climbed a sacred mountain in the Himalayas to seek tranquility and enlightenment from a wise guy, about bike stuff…I wouldn’t be surprised to find Chewey at the top…sitting in a lawn chair making with the pragmatic – no BS – wisdom. So when he told us that he had prepared a statement to the fat-bike nation, we immediately made space available for the current Pugsley World Champion to express his bad self. Opinions expressed by ‘the Chewey’ may or may not reflect the views of the International House of Fat-Bikes, Fat-Bike.com, Fat dash Bike dot Com, it’s sister station in Amsterdam or The Bike Black Ribbon Society. Well…it, probably does, reflect the views of the Bike Black Ribbon Society. Those guys are into chaos.

wisconsin-fatbike-championships-2094

Coach Chewey 

WTF is going on with fat biking?

(or is Chewey just crabby because his hockey team had a bad practice)

First off I love my bikes. I have more fat bikes than my fat ass can sit on, in one day. And all the blogs and online rags, write ups, are kinda fun to see. BUT has the industry gone off it’s fucking nut ? You guys post a pic from a Global Something or Other in Utah. The room looked big enough to stack all the fat bikes in the midwest three bikes high. Maybe out that way it’s normal but don’t we usually hold these types of meeting at a shitty little bar after a nice ride? Then there was the pic of the fat bike trail groomer. Holy shitballs that thing wouldn’t even fit in my driveway let alone on any of the trails we ride around here. Do you have a big fucking deisel power snowcat to pull that thing ? It looked like something left over from a Road Warrior movie. I was hoping to get a guy with two sled dogs to pull a 2 ft. 2×4 box around a few spots that are difted in. Thankfully we have Trevor who has a motorcycle with a big old wide back tire and chains to bust through the drifts for us. Otherwise we’d have to hike a bike until we have it broken in (oh the humanity!). And I don’t even want to get started on the bike part of it. Steel, aluminum, ti, carbon. And hub widths, tires, fenders, every fucking little dodad that you can imagine. Wait….that’s kinda cool actually. Other than the fact that it’s getting so expensive you either have to rob a bank or be sponsored (pro sponsored fat bike racer! Just fucking shoot me now). Shouldn’t we (fat bikers) be consentrating on all the good things that these ingenious pieces of work can do? Look how they saved Austin TX during the Snowpocalypse of 2014 (sorry no pics, Kerry Montgomery didn’t get out on her Pug before it melted). But hey….she was there, at the ready, all fat biked up to make a run for beer or snacks, or just help out a local watering hole by being able to ge there during this disaster. This has got me so riled up I may have to drink. No…I can’t do that… got a hockey game to coach. And if one of those little shits screws up and I chew them out, remember, it’s all this fat bike crap’s fault.

Oh and yes, I will ride my Moonlander to and from the game. Fuck!……hope to see you all at the Pugsley World Championships in Decorah, IA – March 1st

Chewey

 

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18 Responses to An Editorial – Chewey’s Got Questions!

  1. freisianpug January 30, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

    Sorry, I’m just not sure what that rant is trying to say. Perhaps it was amusing or ironic, but I missed the Zen wisdom advertised.

    • Allroy January 30, 2014 at 7:14 pm #

      Love it! Rebel yell! Just like back in the good days of snowboarding before the x games fucked it all up! Keep the FAT underground for a while longer.

    • Gomez January 30, 2014 at 8:11 pm #

      you need to play it backwards to hear the secret message

  2. Kerry Montgomery January 30, 2014 at 9:19 pm #

    I promise next time to send pics…. That 1/8th inch of ice we got was quite treacherous

  3. Ernesto Martinez-Ordaz January 31, 2014 at 8:24 am #

    This message is loud and clear (with that old LP static we all like to hear) – then I turned the turntable in reverse with my dirty finger and yes, I heard the secret, encoded message. Sounded like Julia Child describing a recipe for success in the cauldron of ambiguity – server hot with the vintage leather ladle.

    Chewy hits the nail on the head and makes his wisdom lullaby a deep chasm to ponder.

    Fat bikes – then experimentation with other materials. Then pro sponsors… Chewy, let’s have a beer, invite Gomez, and have our conversations throw in tangents of breast milk, gnomes, socks, and floating a ride on snow, dirt, gravel, and asphalt.

    The big manufacturers got their feet wet in the fat-dom, because they have the money – inquisitive minds brewed tangible ideas into real products. Let’s just stay within the confines of the real fatness. Real fatness blooms into fun, and that’s how it is and should be.

    If anyone ever tells me that their Borealis is better than my fat bike, or insinuates it… I’ll just say: I just like to ride. It shuts them up.

    As an active clandestine sleeper member of The Bike Black Ribbon Society (cover blown?), I observe from a distance and make assumptions. Like a wild donkey longs for a carrot in the middle of the Arizona desert, we long for effervescence and kitten filled pillow fights.

    Meow.

  4. Andy O January 31, 2014 at 10:58 am #

    Chewey’s editorial left me a little in the fog, Ernesto’s attempt at clearing the fog has left me hopelessly lost in the fog. When the fog clears I think I’ll take a bike ride and just have fun. This really hit home, I’ve been taking it way to serious!

    Thanks Chewey!

  5. puck January 31, 2014 at 8:49 pm #

    The author raises several very valid points!!!!

  6. Dis Crazy February 1, 2014 at 6:51 am #

    Please make Chewey a weekly feature.

    Hey it’s snowing! Wanna ride bikes?

  7. Guymer Firmer, mn. usa February 1, 2014 at 8:21 am #

    Please more of Chewies long winded, sense making, non-groomed write ups.
    Groomers… make a road while your at it…. huh Chewy?
    keep it old school….. riding my bike like kid in snow… pushing and pedaling and freezing…. doing it again the next day for fun. Out door hockey style, Chewy Snow biking times never ending adventures.
    But please keep the local beer drinking, fire barreled, races with my foolish frozen friends going…. and our group rides too.
    What a great time here in Minnesnowta….
    Thanks Chewy.

  8. Sevo February 3, 2014 at 1:39 pm #

    For those that didn’t get it, basically what the giant fur ball is trying to tell you is ride your bike. Drink beer after you ride your bike. That’s about it. That’s all you need..

  9. Jake February 4, 2014 at 7:19 am #

    Long live the STOMP!

    • Gomez February 4, 2014 at 8:10 am #

      YES!

  10. Ronsta February 4, 2014 at 8:08 am #

    I like Chewey. Right on.

  11. Irish February 4, 2014 at 8:33 am #

    …seriously, what an embarrassment…the time it took me to read that is time I’ll never get back…publish something that actually is of value to the fat-bike community…

  12. Fat Rider February 4, 2014 at 11:07 am #

    Wisdom? From this guy? I seriously doubt it. I think his IQ must be the same as the number of testicles he may have. How about picking someone who can actually contribute next time. In my opinion, he is part of what is wrong in the world. I would say let him age gracefully and go away, but obviously, it is too late for that!

  13. Gomez February 4, 2014 at 11:41 am #

    No Mames

  14. Doug Fresh February 4, 2014 at 3:41 pm #

    If you don’t get this you must be a triathlete.

  15. Beaker February 10, 2014 at 11:11 pm #

    Chewey Rules! see you at PWC dude.