NAHBS Fatness Report by Thad Carson


20160227_210117In an attempt to be in 4 places on the same weekend, Central Command, engaged operation ‘Black Magic’, with the assistance of two Bike Black Ribbon sleeper cells, housed deep underground in decommisioned government missile silo’s, across the great plains of these United States of America. Our agents are genetically predisposed to bicycles and bicycle by-products like beer, surprise and an almost fanatical dedication to FUN!

This is the twisted tale of one of those team’s visit to the North American Hand Built Bicycle Show in Sack’a’tomatoes California. You might know it as ‘the City of Angels’ but you’d be mistaken, because that’s Los Angeles. Our story takes place in California’s Capitol City, Sacramento.


A team hidden within a team: deep undercover in the spaceport at Kansas City. Our special agent in charge of our NAHBS activities is Thad Carson. Thad is loosely affiliated with several local and regional bicycles fetish organizations and is the CEO of the 8lumens bike gang that maintains the Adventures of Captain Cuntwat and Princess Bonerghost web-page, that I feel obligated, right up front, that I have to give our viewers fair warning. Some of the situations portrayed on that site are incredibly awesome. There have been rumors of all sorts of things centered around the recreation use of Thad’s blog, but at this point, folks that aren’t used to large doses of awesome should keep one finger on the F6 button at all times, while viewing. You should consult a physician immediately if a viewing lasts longer that 4 hours. Side effects may include hysteria, rash, cramps, the vapors and arboreal folly.


Thad traveled in the loving embrace of Burnsey and the Corbs from Oddity Cycles and that was his official agency cover for the big facebook’n Expo de la Bicicleta de América del Norte Hechas a mano. They rode bikes along the way out there, with stops in Fort Collins, Reno and the Washoe Valley PTA.


Check out Thad ‘s full Sit/Rep right here –


3 Responses to NAHBS Fatness Report by Thad Carson

  1. chasm March 7, 2016 at 3:30 pm #

    thads blog is seriously the worst.

  2. freisianpug March 14, 2016 at 9:50 pm #

    Fat-Bike dot com does itself no favours promoting this puerile drunken boasting; I had hoped a new century might leave behind the immaturity of the old… Someone needs to grow up.

    • Gomez March 18, 2016 at 8:56 am #

      We’re not into doing ourselves favors. We’re much more into posting whatever we want. If you don’t like what we post, that’s fine. Thanks for the comment, but as far as growing up, I will take a pass. Since you think it’s ok to tell people what to do on the internet from all the way over on the other side of the planet, I’m going to share some advice with you. Live and let live.

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