I always wanted to do a parody of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You might be a Redneck” stand-up comedy on the Dose of Fat. I even went as far as writing some of it down.
Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to open Mic night at the Capybara Improv Theater. First up we have three hipsters that call themselves the black collar comedians, It’s my pleasure to introduce Preston, Sterling & Tater
Have you noticed all of the fat-bikes around campus lately?
Yeah – like nice sled gramps
Check it out…We ripped off Jeff Foxworthy and came up with….you might be a fat-biker –
If you have boots that go over your winter boots……you might be a fat-biker.
If you have a favorite brand of beard oil…..(you might just be, –a fat-biker)
If you spend more on bicycle tires — than tires for your hyundai.
If the back of your SUV resembles the basis for sedimentary rock formations – you may be — a fat-biker
if you own 4 or more merino wool base layers…….You may be a fat-biker
If you find yourself at odds with what the bike industry wants to sell you – like…12 speed, 650 B Dual suspension gravel bikes?
….if you’ve studied satellite imagery of the entire shoreline of the great lakes on both sides of the US and Canadian border. –
You might be a fat-biker ….if you wear out a set of winter boots every year or two….yes yes…and if you get excited about shopping for new winter boots? You might just be a fat-biker!
Thank You – Give a nice round of applause to the black collar comedians, Preston, Sterling & Tater!
It’s late August, so I decided to buy myself a birthday present in the form of this pair of Columbia Bugaboot Plus IV XTM Omni-Heat boots. ($160 – Zappos.com) I spent the last two winters wearing a pair of Keen Neve winter boots. The Keens earned the Gnome-Proof Seal of Approval after the first winter season, however during the second year (last winter), I noticed that they were not as warm as they were when they were new. You can see the level of wear on the Keens in the side-by-side photo below. 400g of insulation seems to be the benchmark for (lower 48) winter boots. Last winter’s experience with that 400g Keen boot led me to seek something warmer. 600g should be warmer than 400, right?
If you know how many grams of insulation is in each of your boots? – You might just be a flat-biker.
If you’d like to learn more about winter footwear and how to keep your feet warm, you should listen to our interview with Kevin Breitenbach. Check out Show#76 of the Weekly Dose of Fat Podcast at the 5:00 mark. Kevin has twelve gnome tons of arctic riding experience and he shares his insights on how to keep your feet warm when the mercury drops.
If you know that Kevin Breitenbach is from Fairbanks Alaska and is an ITI and Arrowhead Champion – You might just be…a fat-biker.
The Columbia® Bugaboot Plus IV XTM Omni-Heat winter boot will be ready to take on the extreme cold this season with its hardy leather construction, warm insulation, and reliable outsole grip keeping you steady on your feet in difficult conditions.
Combination of leather, nylon, and webbing upper.
Waterproof seam-sealed construction keeps out the wet elements for a drier, more comfortable foot environment.
Omni-Heat™ Reflective Thermal Reflective Warmth technology utilizes a breathable material with little silver dots that reflect body heat for excellent interior warmth and comfort.
600g insulation provides excellent protection against the cold and snowy elements.
Winter boot is rated for temperatures down to -65°F/-54°C.
Sturdy lace-up closure with fabric laces and metal hardware for a secure fit.
Heel pull tab.
Contoured PU footbed for added underfoot support and comfort.
Techlite™ shell and EVA midsole provide daylong comfort, cushioning, and energy return.
Michelin® WINTER COMPOUND outsole provides abrasion and slip-resistant properties in temperatures down to -22°F/-30°C.
Available Men’s Size 7-15 (Our Size 13 fit true to size)
The Michelin Man outsoles feature their Ice Control compound which they claim will remain grippy down to -22F. I like that there are nice divots to insert grip-studs for frozen lake rides. The footbed is very stiff on these boots. The uppers are also stiffer than the uppers of the Keens. Time will tell about how that will affect comfort, both riding and hiking.
Columbia’s Omni Heat Technology is supposed to reflect body heat. It looks like a disco ball inside your boots. There’s only one thing left to do…and that is to get out and stink these combat boots up on some winter trails! I’ll Report back with how the boots perform somewhere down the trail amigos!